Salahku memang. Aku tau kau. Aku tau kau tak datang untuk tinggal. Tapi aku tetap menghiasmu dengan semua yang bisa kuberikan. Aku tau kau tak akan lama tapi aku tetap membungkusmu dengan harapan. Memang salahku, aku tau, kau… begitulah.

Snow Cherries From France — Tori Amos

I knew a boy
Who would not share his bike
Ooh, but he let me go sailing
I swore that I
Could survive any storm
Ooh,but he let me go

“Can you launch rockets from here?”
“Boy, I’ve done it for years
Just keeping my hands”
And when I promised my hands
He promised me back
Snow cherries from France

All that summer
We travelled the world
Never leaving his own back garden
Girls, I didn’t know
This is what it could be
Ooh, but he let me go sailing

He questioned me
“Can you ride anything?”
“Lord, do you mean like your mood swings?”
Invaders and traders
With the best intentions
They convinced you to come

They look like pirates from here
“Boy, I’ve been one for years
Just keeping my head”
And when I promised my head
He promised me back
Snow cherries from France

And then one day
He said, “Girl, it’s been nice
But I have to go sailing”
With cinnamon lips
That did not match his eyes
Ooh, then he let me go

Happy was the time when girls were stupid and meek
They’d chase a bunny in the woods
In hope that a beast would seize them
And a prince would come to save their souls

I was then a girl in my mother’s gawn
But I wasn’t who I am
I always wanted to chase a bunny
Or a turkey
Or wolf
But I was fat
Running suffocates
So I just sat by the river
When my girlfriend ran about the trees
Into the woods
And never came back

So happy was the time when girls had nothing to do
When bunnies were free
And princes were lonely

We kill each other, devour each other. I want to escape. To the wires under the nails and stay there until someone steals him, to greet my sisters that flood the mine of quicksilver in the eyes, to please my cousins that rush below those heaving lungs. Because the moment he disappeared, this very place was frozen in all of a sudden.

I love watching it suffocates
And I’m all geared up for a funeral
Me and my plastic boys
Will carry the clock in a round paper coffin

We will sing every line of any obituary
Then we’ll go back to this bed
Without the clock

The clock has turned blue
I can see myself licking a lollipop
On some lunch break at work

Just like months and a year ago, I’m still a treehugger, I’m still that girl with thoughts as mad as a breast cancer. I’ve grown let’s say, a year older but I still don’t know what to write so I think I’ll just jot the words down and you may call them poetry. Or, anything…

Enjoy!

Here stranger here
On my bed under the bedsheet
I’m hiding like a mouse in danger
But my heart is waiting like a lover

I saw a woman floating, glaring, drifting, closer
Who knows what she’s up to
So I closed my eyes; que sera, sera
And Seattle sang,

“la-la sidewalk ashes
and the perfumed kiss
you bla-bla-bla to intertwine’

… …

Curiousity pulled my eyes open, fear shut my mind
But the woman was nowhere around me
The trees had taken her, southward
Where the ocean lays, to play, perhaps, who knows

This earth’s still spinning ’round
So ding! Sing!
Hold your breath
A golden sun is coming